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Sunday, October 5, 2014

Honest Ramblings

I am sitting here on a Sunday night and I really don't know what I am going to say. I together with most Jews have finished the High Holiday season which  culminated yesterday with Yom Kippur and now we celebrate the holiday of Sukkot ( Tabernacle) which begins this Wednesday night. So I will be unplugging for another three days beginning Wednesday night.

Today on Facebook I read two separate posts from two friends that were both just so open and honest that it moved me. I have blogged a lot about transparency but, have been as open and honest as these two friends were. Perhaps I try to tell myself that I have been.  So these may be more ramblings but this is an attempt to put things on the table.

I had a hard time getting ready this year for the High Holidays, and while I have a lot to be thankful for and to pray for, If I am honest I am probably a bit angry that I still have not been able to find a job or that my own business hasn't taken off. I know its silly to be angry with G-D but as a person of faith I have asked and wondered why am I still in this situation. Then out of no where something happened last night. One of the final prayers of the Yom Kippur service is the "Avinu Malkenu" ( Our Father Our King) in it we make requests of G-D that we should be inscribed in the book of life, we should be inscribed for a year of prosperity etc. During this prayer I started to cry, still not sure why, but I think it was all my deep emotions that perhaps were being repressed coming to the surface in that highly emotional moment.

I now live in a large community which has its benefits and my girls are very happy but I don't have many local friends ( that's starting to slowly change) most of my friends I haven't even met in person, and yet I feel more connected to them then  people that I have met in person. I am lucky to have a very supportive PLN and friends who have always been  there for me.  Geographical location is not a requirement for friendship.

I don't mean to sound negative because I am not. I have many good friends even if they don't live locally, I have a loving and supportive family, I have my faith, and the knowledge that something good is waiting for me around the corner.

Perhaps in this rambling I have uncovered the reason that we are not as transparent and honest all the time. The truth is that at times brutal honesty hurts and the facts as they are now look  like things are terrible but  there always two sides of the coin and the challenge is that in being open and honest we need to see both sides. Things are complex, our lives are complex and we need understand that our lives are more than just two dimensional, and that things aren't either good and bad but rather some combination of the two.

I want to thank my friends even though they don't know it for their inspiration and for being so honest in such a public forum, it is something that is hard to do but very much appreciated.

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